


You shine so bright

by zuwizuwizuwi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt Kageyama Tobio, M/M, More tags to be added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:02:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22768975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zuwizuwizuwi/pseuds/zuwizuwizuwi
Summary: In this world of destined partners and lovers, you have hated me with all your might. My mark has turned dark, almost pitch black and I wonder if you've ever noticed my pain. I'm past my limits, but I still love you and I don't want to forget you. You. You were my first love. the probability the last too.(a world were soulmates can be rejected, and the rejection, if very disdainful, can cause pain for its bearer. The only way to stop the pain is to either make the person fall in love with you or have the mark removed- which causes the said person to lose all his/her memories of his/her soulmate)
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Original Character(s), Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru, Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Oikawa Tooru/Original Characters, Oikawa Tooru/Original Female Character(s), Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Yachi Hitoka/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 109
Kudos: 371





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> It is not compulsory for soulmates to be together but in this said world, more than 95% of people with soul marks end up with their soulmates. Only 1 out of 100 people are born without a soul mark. And a person receives his/her soul mark by the age of 6. 
> 
> The usual color of a soul mark is white. When a person's soulmate dies or if their soulmate rejects them, their mark turns black. 
> 
> And sometimes when both soulmates accept each other, their mark is rejected and it can cause both of them to suffer through severe chest aches and headaches. The science behind this is unknown, but there is a way to stop the pain. If the soul mark surgically removed then that person can be spared the pain of rejection, however, both of them forget everything about each other. These rejected bonds tend to be very painful for both.
> 
> Sometimes if one of the soulmates really hates his/her partner, the tragic partner has to suffer through the pain alone. For this pain to be stopped, both of their soulmarks should be removed and both of them forget everything about each other. This one-sided rejection is more painful for the rejected person as most of the time, they never get their marks removed and they receive most of the disdain.

The first time I saw you, you were shining like a star. You stood at the center of the room and spoke to us with your "captain" voice. Everybody gravitated towards your presence.

You were 14 and I was 12. All I could see that day was your breathtaking chocolate eyes. 

After a few days, I learn that we were soulmates. We were changing after a late day of practice, you and I alone, when I saw a familiar shape of a crown on your back. 

I remember how my heart fluttered at the thought of us being together. You were everything I wanted to be: smart, charming, well-rounded, and a talented player.

So, like the fool I was, I thought you would be happy too. 


	2. chapter 1-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa loves Iwaizumi. He has been in love with him since the first time they met. So, soul marks don't matter to him. Nor does Tobio-chan.   
> And on the other end, Karasuno boys talk about their soul marks.

Oikawa's thoughts 

Iwa-chan’s Mom is my Mom’s best friend, just like he is mine. We’ve been together ever since we were born considering the fact that we were born just a month apart. We did grow up together, did everything together.

“ _Iwa-chan! You’ll marry me when we grow up, right?”_ I was 4 when I asked him this. And he just scoffed and told me we were too young to decide. But he did smile, and that smile assured our love.

After a few months, I got my mark and it didn’t match with Iwa-chan.

“ _This must be a mistake! We’re supposed to be together forever!”_ I cried to him the very moment I learned that he was not my soulmate.

“ _you idiot, I’ll be with you even if our marks aren’t there. It’s quite hard to get rid of me, you know?”_ Iwa-chan told me while pinching my cheeks with his tiny hands.

“ _I’ll always love you Tooru”_

I don’t care who my soulmate is, I’m, for sure, spending the rest of my life with Iwa-chan. Even my mom said okay. She had always adored Iwa-chan and had treated him as if he were her own blood. Whenever Iwa-chan came by, mom would never let him leave without feeding him a meal, or giving him candy. My sister and Iwa-chan would often team up to torture me, the devilish duo. She would often call him brother-in-law and it was hilarious because Iwa-chan blushed every single time. My father had always had his own unique relationship with Iwa-chan. They talked to each other seldom, but my father would always ask Iwa-chan to help him with gardening and other stuff. He would always give Iwa-chan simple instructions and they would work side by side for hours. When Iwa-chan asked a question, dad would answer happily. He always patted Iwa-chan’s head, gently with love, every time he saw him.

I was so sure that Iwa-chan and I would be together that I didn’t think twice before rejecting my own destined partner. I never really thought of his soulmate, what he wants for himself.

I was so sure that Iwa-chan would keep his promise.

I was so sure he would reject his soulmate like I rejected mine with a blink of an eye.

I was so sure that we would stay together forever.

I know he loves me, he really does. But I never realized that our love for one another was so different.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At Karasuno High school

The afternoon bell rings and students are rushing towards their clubrooms. It is a chilly winter afternoon, and the boys' volleyball club is warming up for a practice match. They had recently won the Spring high-Miyagi Prefecture, so they were preparing themselves for the nationals. The whole win was so surreal for the team. They were all so excited and scared for what was to happen in the Nationals. The boys are practicing non-stop to improve their skills for the upcoming tournament. Each day they would invite a team from neighboring schools to host practice matches after school. They had limited days, but one could easily say that these practice matches were helping in strengthing the team. After the recent match with Dateko, the team had been stuck in a dilemma, but they were able to figure themselves out and work things through. The ruckus between Nishinoya and Kageyama was quickly solved by the team, and the team spirit was lifted.

There is something different though. Kenshin knows that there is something wrong with Kageyama nowadays. He seems to be easily agitated and annoyed at the smallest of the mistakes. Other than that Kenshin also thinks that Kageyama might be going through some kind of physical pain. After every powerful serve, Kenshin notices how Kageyama’s face goes red letting out a soft gasp and he sometimes stumbles holding his chest for a second.

He doesn’t know if anyone else has noticed yet but there is something wrong with Kageyama. He had made a note to talk to the youngest boy before the tournament.

The school that was supposed to come to karasuno for practice had to be postponed to tomorrow. Apparently, the coach had to leave due to some emergency. So, karasuno volleyball boys were to practice among themselves. The nationals were only one and half a week away, so they had been practicing rigorously. As they are warming up for the practice, conversations flow throughout the team.

“oh man! My body still feels sore.” - Tanaka said as he does his stretch.

“I know right!? Maybe we should take a little break for today”- Asahi

“the tournament is next week guys. We can’t do that”- Suga as he pushes Asahi to a split.

“that’s right! We’re going against Nekoma, hopefully”- Hinata said as he bent to stretch his calves.

“Hinata! How did you date with Kenma go though?”- Suga asked as he turned to look at Hinata.

“YOU’RE DATING NEKOMA’S SETTER??? SINCE WHEN???”- shouted Tanaka and Nishinoya. They both tackle Hinata to the ground. Tsukishima just rolls his eyes at them, while few of the members laugh.

“I-I told you that he was soulmate months ago!!”- Hinata stutters and he struggles in his seniors hold.

“YOU. NEVER. TOLD. US. YOU. ARE. DATINGGGGGG!!!!”- shrieked Tanaka, while Nishinoya just bites into Hinata’s arms.

After a couple of minutes and with the help of a few of the members (4 members to be exact), they separate Hinata from his senpais.

“Hinata can I see your soulmark?”- Yachi. She walked to him with a towel.

“um. Sure!” he pushes his sleeves toward his shoulder. A white print of a cat was imprinted on his upper arm.

“ahhhhh! This is so cute Hinata!!”- exclaimed Yachi as she moved forward to look at the mark from close.

“Can I see your's Yachi-san?”- asked Hinata, as he beamed at both Yachi and Yamaguchi.

“sure!”- Yamaguchi and Yachi agreed. Their mark was on their ankles, Yamaguchi had a tattoo of a pen while Yachi had freckles like dots on her ankle.

“ These freckles remind me of stars”- Hinata as he examines Yachi’s mark. Then, he turns his gaze towards Tsukishima.

Tsukishima, who was sitting on the floor with his long legs stretched, glares back and snaps.

“what?”

“show me yours”- demanded Hinata.

“No. why would I?” – Tsukishima

“Oh come one. Just one look!!!”- plead Hinata

“No I don’t want to”- said Tsukishima as he rose to his height.

“Tsukki please!!!!!!” “Tsukishima-Kun just once”

Tsukishima looks at Yamaguchi and Yachi. He lets out a deep sigh.

“Just this once. And don’t you dare laugh Hinata”- Tsukishima said as he pulled his t-shirt up and revealing his mark that was on his hip. The soul mark was an image of a fish.

“a fish?” “pffffff”- laughed Hinata and Tanaka. Even Yamaguchi let out a chuckle. Tsukishima glared at both of them and was going to shut them off when he was cut off by Kageyama.

“The fish is cute. And don’t laugh at someone else’s soulmark, you boke”- Kageyama said.

All of the members are caught off-guard. Even Tsukishima, who was turning pink, is shocked at Kageyama defending him.

“ I totally agree with him. I think it's cute too Tsukishima-Kun. Kuro-san must really love fish?”- added Yachi with her cheery smile.

“Yeah… gotta admit this image is cute. The eyes of the fish! I never knew fishes could be this cute!!”- said Suga as he pats Tsukishima on his back.

Tsukishima feels relieved for some reason. He is happy that his teammates accept him the way he is. For some reason there acceptable makes him feel included and right. He had never expected himself to be so much invested in a thing like an afterschool club.

As he is thinking about this, a movement changes his attention, Kageyama’s leaving the room. Huh? He wonders if some is wrong with their setter. Oddly enough, Kageyama and he had grown close in the recent few months. He was really surprised and thankful when the setter was the one who helped him doing his existential crisis. Not only that, but the younger boy had also helped him during his recent anxiety attack at school. The king knew exactly how to claim his nerves. They had grown closer after that event actually, to the point where Tsukishima could call him a “friend”.

For some reason, he felt something was wrong with Kageyama. So, he does what he thinks is right. He marches toward the setter and grabs his hand to stop him.

Kageyama freezes and the rest of the people in the gym turn their attention toward the two first-year players.

Kageyama faces Tsukishima. “what’s wrong?” he asked.

“where are you going?” questioned Tsukishima his grip on the younger’s hand still tight.

Kageyama is silent for a moment. Others also sense that something is stirring up so the noise slowly comes to a halt.

“ the toilet.” – Kageyama relied after a few seconds on.

“you went there just 10 minutes ago king. Don’t lie”- tsukishima

“ ……… wanted to go there again. I don’t see any problem here Tsukishima”- Kageyama replied as he rips his hand from the blocker’s grip.

Kei thinks for a moment- what were we talking about before?......... soulmates.. yes soulmates…

“king, all of us have seen each other's soul mark. How come we never get to see yours?”- tsukishima questioned. And Kageyama's eyes go wide.

“No.. I don-” tries to say Kageyama but he is cut off by Hinata.

“Yeahhh!!! We should also get to see your's. I promise I won’t laugh” said Hinata with his blinding grin.

“Kageyama-kun it’s fine even if your mark is weird, we won’t make fun of you”- Yachi joins in.

“Come onnnnn brooo, what can be worse than dick on someone's torso?” – Tanaka said with his booming voice.

“No…. you don’t understand I-”- Kageyama tries to explain, he was beginning to panic, you could see in his eyes.

“It will be fine Kageyama, trust us”- joined in Nishinoya as he reaches out to the bandage on the back of his neck.

“NO….wait plea-”- Kageyama takes a step back away from the libero.

Tsukishima, who was right behind Kageyama during the whole time, stares at the shorter players' neck.

Then, he removes the bandage with a quick single motion. And silence ensues.

The members catch a glimpse of the almost blackened mark of a crown in Kageyama’s nape. Just for a second. Because after a second, kageyama’s hands shoot up to cover his nape. His eyes look glassy and his expression is one of utter panic and……………….. sadness.

Tsukishima stares at his neck with wide eyes. “what have I done?” “why did I do that?” these are the only thoughts that run in his mind.

Everyone in the room is still. Somewhere processing their thoughts, while others didn’t know what to do or say.

Kageyama’s body trembles, all eyes are on him. His breath turns into short gasps and droplets of tear run down his cheeks. He chokes a sob as he turns towards the door, and dashes out.

They know.


	3. a burning pit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iwaizumi met his soulmate when he was 18 and Oikawa is introduced to rejection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa's thoughts

Iwa-chan met Hikaru last week and things have fallen apart........ For me. Iwa-chan seems more complete though.

When I catch a glimpse of Iwa-chan and Hikaru together, a burning pit of betrayal rages against my gut. That could be me...................... That should have been me.

As much as I despise watching the two of them mingle and get closer, I can never seem to able to hate Hikaru-chan. I don't even dislike him. He's a great person, I know that even if I met him just last week. He's kind, compassionate, gentle, funny, and smart in ways I could never be. He fits right into Iwa-chan's arms.

They look perfect. They feel perfect together.

When I'm thinking of that embrace, a burning pit of detest flares against him. **_Him_**. **He** has no other purpose in his life other than to destroy my expectations of love. 

Iwa-chan bought Hikaru-chan to his home last Saturday. Aunty was skeptical for the initial half an hour, but after that Hikaru's stories made all of us cry with laughter she was happy for them.

When I'm laughing at his jokes, a burning pit of helplessness blazes my heart. How can I not like him? How can he not fall for him?

Yesterday, I invited them for lunch at my place. My mom was sad. My father silent. My sister was Angerer and pettier than usual. But after lunch, they all seemed to have forgotten the promise that Hajime made when we were 5. When they saw how happy Iwa-chan was, they seemed to have forgotten about the promise. Afterall, Iwa-chan was family. His presence was warm like a winter sun. He was always welcomed.

When I look into his pine emerald eyes, I am reminded of what I cherish and what was stolen from me. 

A burning pit of hatred rages against **him**. I hope he suffers for what he has taken away from me. My passion, My position, confidence, Iwa-chan.

I've never hated someone like I've hated **Tobio**.


	4. chapter 2-

** At Karasuno **

The gym is silent after Kageyama runs off.

No one moves. No one speaks for a minute. Most of them were still processing what had happened and the ones that had connected the dots together were in shock and didn’t know what to do.

Daichi and Ennoshita both have a sad look on their faces. Asahi’s tears had filled his vision when he understood that Kageyama’s soulbond was rejected, he couldn’t think how painful it must have been for Kageyama. Yachi too had tears streaming down her face. She had previously heard nasty rumors of the youngest member being markless for being arrogant and mean, but soon the rumors had been proven false for her as she saw Kageyama wearing his bandage on his neck every day. And she got to know the Milk-lover, his awkward and endearing personality. He was often labeled to be mean, but the truth was he was just a volleyball loving idiotic introvert. Yachi knew that Kageyama was a nice and kind person, which made the reveal more heartbreaking for her.

Yamaguchi can only stare with wide eyes and mouth as things fell apart. All of a sudden, he is reminded of how quiet Kageyama is when the first years talk about our soulmates. And he remembers small winces and painful grunts that he thought he imagined coming from Kageyama on some days. Yamaguchi scolds himself for not noticing what was wrong with his friend.

Hinata may not be the best when it comes to studies but he was able to understand the meaning of the dark mark in his best friend's neck very fast. The moment he sees the mark, Anger flashes within his mind. Who would be so cruel to hate their soulmate so much that the other persons’ mark turned almost black? “I’ve been his best friend for almost a year and I didn’t know this, what kind of friend am I?” Hinata blames himself for not noticing. He thought that Kageyama never liked talking about his soulmate because he hadn’t met him yet. Like Hinata, Tanaka was also mad, very mad. “Who dare hurt my Kohai?” He thinks of the rumors about Kageyama too and wants to tear someone apart. Nishinoya too is angry, however, he is mostly angry towards himself. Why did I have to be so pushy? He still remembers the look in the setter’s eyes, he had never seen him so afraid.

Tsukishima stands still like a pole, wide eyes staring at the bandage in his hands. He had turned a shade lighter. His hands are trembling and he barely held on to the bandages. His vision is blurry and he feels himself trembling. “Why did I have to do that?” “Kageyama’s soulmate had rejected him” and all of a sudden he can’t breathe.

Sugawara is shocked and extremely upset at the reveal of Kageyama’s soulmate. God, that poor boy, no wonder he never talked about soulmates. After what felt like an eternity, Suga decides that he needs to go after the younger setter. And then, he sees Tsukishima gasping. Shit! He’s having an attack.

“YAMAGUCHI!!!” Suga’s voice breaks everyone out of their trance.

Suga rushes toward Tsukishima. “Pass me a bottle of water”- he commanded.

Yamaguchi, who initially startled by the vice captain’s shout, sees Tsukishima’s state and rushes to get the nearest water bottle.

“Tsukishima! Tsukishima! You need to breathe. Look at me Kei!” Suga called out.

Shaking like a leaf, Tsukishima slowly lifts his head and looks at Suga, but is unable to control his breathing. He feels lightheaded and overstimulated.

Suga takes Tsukishima’s hands and puts it against his own chest. “Breathe with me, Kei” instructed Suga, as he takes deep breaths.

After a couple of minutes, Kei is effectively able to breathe like Sugawara. Suga makes him sit on the floor and passes the water bottle. Tsukishima drinks slowly yet desperately. All the other members gather around him to find ways in which they can be helpful. Yachi is rubbing his arms while Yamaguchi pats him in his back. While Hinata with his gentle voice tells the other blocker that this was not his fault and tries to comfort him.

Suga at the moment, turns to look at Daichi and Asahi, he gives them a look and both seem to understand its meaning- “I’ll go after him”

Both the ace and the captain nod. They will handle that situation here.

Sugawara runs out of the door. He needs to talk to him.

** With Kageyama  **

They know. They know. They know that I’m unwanted…………………

God, they know now.

I don’t know where I’m running but I simply couldn’t bear staying in the gym. The look on their faces, they know.

They know that I’m not even liked by my own soulmate, God they must think that I’m a pathetic loser, who is so bad that even his soulmate hates him.

I could still feel their eyes on my mark, the ugly black crown that sits on my neck like royalty. I can feel his hate run through my chest.

It hurts.

Nowadays, It hurts so much I think I might as well die. Sometimes my chest tightens so much that I choke on my breath and stop breathing. Sometimes my whole body just goes numb with burning pain. Sometimes I have nosebleeds because of the headache. Sometimes I can feel his thoughts being engraved in my heart. Most of the time I just feel my mark burn. Ignite like wildfire.

Who is ever going to love me? Me. A good for nothing tyrant.

His words from 3 years ago, still haunts my memories. And his rejection kills me every single day.

I wonder what his love feels like. Is it warm and sweet like his smiles when he sees Iwaizumi-san? I’ve only ever experienced his hate. His hate, Oh so cold and so sharp, that they suffocate me daily.

Have I done something wrong? Have I hurt him before in any way?

Or am I just undeserving of any love? It’s not that I’m not used to not getting love, but I’ve never had to bear through so much pain.

I………..can't ………..

They know now…………………..

I’m in the washroom and I’m trying to keep it together. Don’t know how I got here, or why. I can only think of all the aches that I had to hold on to for the last few months. I think of my sister, and how I want to make her proud of me. I think of my father, and how his hate for me is par with my soulmate’s. I think of my brother and how he is always so disappointed with me. I think of mom, I wish she was here. I miss her.

I’m sitting on the floor with my knee bent against my chest, I try to hide my face, trying to hide myself from the world.

Then, I hear someone open the door with a "Baam."

“Kageyama!!!”

It’s Suga-san.

He must be thinking that I deserve this destiny. I destroyed a joyful moment with my personal problem. Right now, I think I hate myself more than Oikawa-san does. I need to apologize for this. I try to speak but nothing comes out of my throat.

Then, I’m engulfed in a warm embrace. His calm vanilla scent. It reminds me of you Mom. I miss you so much…………. I wish you were alive. Would you care if you knew? 

My hands unconsciously grasp Suga-san's sleeves.

I start wailing, praying all of this torment would just go away.

**Oikawa's POV**

_I'm in the class talking with Makki about something when for the first time I feel my mark burn. And I'm so startled that I let out a yelp. It wasn't painful, I was just surprised._

_I wonder if something happened. Not that I care..._


	5. chapter 3-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I should clarify how soulmates work in this Universe. So, what happens is most people by the age of 6 get their soulmarks. These soulmarks are supposed to help with identifying one’s soulmates. When a soulmate sees his/her soulmate’s mark, he/she is washed with this feeling of familiarity and home. It is not compulsory for the soulmates to have identical soulmark, but the ones that do have identical soul marks are said to share a special bond that is stronger than the usual soul bond.  
> In this said world, more than 95% of people with soul marks end up with their soulmates. Only 1 out of 100 people are born without a soul mark. The usual color of a soul mark is white. When a person's soulmate dies or if their soulmate rejects them, their mark turns black.  
> It is also not compulsory for soulmates to get married or for them to stay together, their relation can remain platonic. However, if two soulmates really hate each other a lot, then their bond is rejected. In the case of rejected bonds as such, both parties suffer through severe chest aches and headaches. These rejected bonds tend to be very painful for both. The science behind this is unknown, but there is a way to stop the pain. If the soul mark surgically removed then that couple can be spared the pain of rejection, however, both of them forget everything about each other.  
> Sometimes if one of the two soulmates really hates his/her partner, the tragic partner has to suffer through the pain. For this pain to be stopped, both of their soulmarks should be removed and both of them forget everything about each other. These one-sided rejections are more painful for the rejected person as most of the time, they never get their marks removed.

**With Yachi**

I’ve seen Tsukishima-kun having panic attacks before. The first time it occurred, we were on the bus returning from the first practice match from Tokyo. During that practice match, we got to know that Kenma-san was Hinata’s soulmate and Kuro-san was Tsukishima-kun’s. I remember how Hinata, Tadashi, and I were talking about Nekoma’s team when all of a sudden Tsukishima-kun violently called out to stop the bus. We were all as shocked as a breathless Tsukishima-kun staggered out of the bus to puke on the roadside. Takeda-sensei was trying to talk to him but he failed to calm Tsukishima-kun. Tadashi was trying to get out of the bus, but Daichi-san and Ukai-san stopped him as they told him that if he went, the rest would follow and the last thing that Tsukishima-kun needed was to be overcrowded. None of knew what to do, we just stayed there staring at Tsukishima-kun's heaving back.

Kageyama-kun surprisingly was the one who helped him with his attack. He stood from his seat and moved out of the bus. Daichi-san stopped him, but Kageyama-kun insisted that he could help him. I still remember how calm and collected Kageyama-kun was. We watched from the bus as Kageyama-kun gently directed Tsukishima-kun to breathe like him. He rubbed his back, repeating the phrases like I couldn’t hear. Then, once Tsukishima-kun was breathing normally, he slowly helped him towards our bus.

He sat with Tsukishima-kun that day.

Later, we got to know that Tsukishima-kun was suffering from severe anxiety and would often get these panic attack if he were too stressed. Even Tadashi was unaware of Tsukishima-kun’s problems. Apparently, Tsukishima-kun didn’t want to worry him. 

Tadashi-kun and Hinata scolded him fiercely for not informing them. ~~Although Tadashi later hugged the life out of him~~. And the coach told him to never hide such important pieces of information.

After the incident, Kageyama-kun taught the whole team how to deal with anxiety attacks. His instructions were simple and straightforward, but we could tell that he had put effort into his phrases and words. Tadashi would often go to Kageyama-kun to get advises regarding his best friend’s problem. Similarly, Tsukishima-kun and Kageyama-kun’s relation had begun to develop into a friendlier one. Kageyama-kun would always help Tsukishima-kun during his attacks and Tsukishima-kun no longer constantly complained while tutoring Karasuno’s freak duo.

Due to Kageyama-kun’s instructions and previous experiences, we knew how to help Tsukishima-kun when he had an attack. However, this attack by far the worst I’ve seen. Even after his breathing is stabilized, Tsukishima-kun looked suffocated and he still trembled. I touch his hand. They were ice-cold. I rub his arms as I hear Hinata try to comfort him. The rest of the members maintain distance as we had learned not to overcrowd him when he had an attack.

After some time, Tsukishima-kun’s shaking reduces and he tries to stand. The three of us are caught off guard. Tadashi holds his arms to steady him.

“Tsukishima-kun, what are-”

“I-I need to talk to him.” His stuttering cuts me off. He’s on his feet and walks toward the door when Daichi-san stopped him.

“Wait Tsukishima”

Tsukishima stops but doesn’t turn his gaze away from the door.

“I know you want to talk to him and apologize but….. I don’t think it’s good for both of you to confront each other at the moment.”- Daichi-san.

Tsukishima-kun turns his head towards us. He has tears streaming down his face and a broken look on his eyes.

My own eyes start tearing again.

_How did he hide it for so long? Why did he hide it?_

Kageyama never really talked a lot. Even when he did talk, he never talked about personal stuff like family or soulmates. The only thing he talked about was volleyball, I found it both endearing and concerning.

_But why was he rejected? Did he do something wrong? When did he meet his soulmate?_

Not now Hitoka, for now, stay quiet

Daichi-san walks up to Tsukishima-kun and drags him back to the room.

“I don’t think he would want to talk to anyone today. He needs time. And so do we.”- Daichi-san said.

From the corner of my eye, I see Asahi-san pull Nishinoya-san to a hug. I hear muffled sobs.

Tadashi brings Tsukishima-kun to the benches. Ennoshita-san brings him his jacket.

After a brief moment of silence, Daichi-san speaks again,

“I think it’s better if we end the practice right now. Sugawara is with Kageyama and he’ll take him home. Tomorrow, we’ll talk with Kageyama but ONLY if he wants to talk about it. Now I know I’ve told you guys before that it’s better not to hide important things like this but if Kageyama really doesn’t want to talk about it, we will not force him. rejection… A rejected soulmark is an extremely painful experience. I think we all understand why he doesn’t want to talk about it. It is our duty as his teammates that we support Kageyama regardless of his rejected mark.”

He looks at me and asks “can you please pack Kageyama’s stuff, I’ll go meet him after I talk with coach and Takeda-sensei”

I nod. I silently pack Kageyama-kun’s bag and give it to Daichi-san. He thanks me and leaves.

I turn to Tsukishima-kun and Tadashi. Tsukishima-kun looked drained and empty, but he had stopped crying. I shift my gaze to Tadashi, our eyes meet. His eyes are red and he whispers something, and I have to read his lips in order to understand.

“Go home with Hinata, I'll talk to you tomorrow.” He gives a comforting smile. For some reason, his smile made me feel a bit more grounded.

I nod and try to smile, but I can’t so, I just move.

Hinata and I walk out of school in total silence. In the chaos before, I had totally forgotten him.

Now, that my attention solely on him, I saw his blank face. The jolly sunshine of our team with a straight poker face. I

“Hinata” I called him

He didn’t respond. I grew more anxious.

“Hinata” I called out louder.

He still didn’t respond and we both continued to walk.

I stopped and pulled his T-shirt, and yelled “HINAATAA”

He jerks in surprise, letting out a yelp. He looks at me, confused. “Yachi-san?”

“Are you alright? I’ve been calling you for some time but you haven’t listened”

“Oh. Oh…. Sorry” he said, with a strained smile.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He looks at me with a constipated look. We stand in silence for a minute.

“You know usually Kageyama-kun really don’t mind what people say about him right?”- he asked me.

Hm. Now that I think about, other than the incident with him being a “king”, I don’t think Kageyama-kun cares about what people say about him. He never plays much attention to rumors about him and is mostly unbothered by rumors. I remember how he was the first among the first-year student to come out. 

“Yes, I think he is mostly unbothered by what people say.”

“So, why would he be so terrified of us knowing about his rejection?”

What? Of course, a person would be sad to be rejected by their soul mate, it means that the person that was supposed to be with you forever has abandoned you. I mean, I think you won’t exactly be delighted to tell people that you were rejected by your mate.

“I don’t get what you’re trying to say Hinata? I mean yes Kageyama-kun is a very straightforward guy but I’m sure he doesn’t wan-”

“NO….No listen” Hinata looks at me. He looks frustrated. He holds my hand.

“I know him Yachi-san. I know what his family is like. I know what he has to go through.”  
  


_Go through? What does he have to go through? What is he talking about?_

“He talked about almost everything except for his soulmate.”

 _Huh?_ then I remember how close Hinata is with Kageyama-kun, but I still don’t understand his point.

“What are you trying to say Hinata? I don’t understand”

Hinata stares at the road ahead with heated eyes.

“I think the rejection was strongly one-sided” 

_ **With Sugawara** _

I hold Kageyama as he breaks down in the cold washroom floor. In the well-lit room, the light makes Kageyama’s hair look shinier and darker than usual. I can’t see his face, his face which is pressed into my chest. _I hope he can breathe_. His musky smell is overpowered by bleach lingering through the tiled floors. My body shakes as gut-wrenching sobs wreck his body.

My mouth feels dry. I can only hold him as he cries. I can feel a patch of my t-shirt get damp.

I’ve never seen him like this. _I never want to see him like this._

He always looked _so_ tall and composed on the court, his presence made me feel assured for victory. Never would I have thought he would feel so small in my arms. He feels like glass. So fragile and breakable- No words others will use to describe him.

He hasn’t said a word and yet, I can read his insecurities oozing out of him.

This boy in my arms is breaking.

 ~~My vision is getting blurry.~~ You’ve held it in for too long Kageyama, let it out.

I can only call your name and stroke your hair as you cry. You should cry, let it out.

Your sobbing slowly comes to a stop, but you’re still pressed against my chest. My legs are numb, I’m sure so are yours.

“Kageyama” my voice cracks, you’ve stopped crying but I still going on I guess.

You clutch me tighter, so I do the same. I tighten my embrace.

I let the silence stretch. I only hear your breathing and occasional sniffs.

“Kageyama” I call you again. This time you shift your head, it now rests on my shoulder. I still can’t see your face.

I clear my throat. “Can you look at me once?”

You shake your head. I snort a laugh. “Are you an ugly crier too?”

“I’m sorry that you have to go through this.” I pull toward the wall so that I can lean on it. ~~The wall feels disgusting.~~ I don’t know how long we’ve been here for but my back has begun to ache.

“Do you want you to talk about it? It’s totally fine if you don’t though?”

You remain silent.

“You know that none of us will make fun of you or consider you as a less of a person even If you have a rejected bond.”

You still remain silent but flinch.

“You have no reason to be ashamed of your rejected bond, Kageyama. It’s not like all soulmates have to end up together.”

“You still have your family, you still have your friends, you have volleyball, and you have so much more to do! Now, I won’t lie to you, loving and being loved by a soulmate is an amazing feeling. But you know what else feels amazing, realizing that moving on was the best decision you made. Having a great career will feel great. Traveling the world will feel great. Making your parents feels great. Falling in love with someone other than your soulmate will also feel great Kageyama. Your life doesn’t revolve around your soulmate, so-”

I lift your head. Puffy red eyes look at me.

“It’s fine. You’re gonna be fine. Remember that people will always be here for you, markless, rejected, deserted, doesn’t matter”

Your pinched expression reminds me of a chipmunk. You stare at me for a while and hastily wipe your tears.

You give me a small smile, “Thank you Senpai”

On our way home, you tell me everything about him and your relationship.

_Next time, I see him I’ll make sure he has a broken nose._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, most of Karasuno except for Hinata, Tsukishima, and Sugawara don't know that Kageyama's rejected bond was one-sided. This is actually something that even Oikawa's close friends don't know about (which will create a mess later on ;) ). The thing with one-sided rejection is that it is more painful for the unfortunate partner than mutual rejection. In mutual rejection getting consent for surgery is easy but in case of one-sided rejection, the other partner may deny getting the surgery.
> 
> (P.S- still need to proofread this, so sorry for errors.)


	6. chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm extremely sorry for this late update but things are not really working out for me these recent days. This Corona too is not helping. I'll try to update more consistently.   
> and also, my story doesn't follow the original story, so even if I named Tobio's sister Miwa, his family structure is different here, so no spoilers of the manga. Talking more about the manga, I'm wrecked by the recent chapter (ಥ _ ಥ)

**Suga’s POV**

Kageyama’s mother had passed away when he was 5. He has an older sister, Miwa, who is 4 years older than him and a brother who is currently 21. His father is a Businessman owns a company, previously a pianist but he switched career in his mid-twenties. He has a cat named Mikan, who apparently hates his existence according to him. He was named by his grandmother from his father’s side. He likes milk, Mikan, his sibling, his dad, piano, and of course volleyball. He also used to paint but stopped for some reason. He is the shortest among the men in his family. His facial features and coloring resemble his mother, like his sister, but personality-wise- he is his father’s child.

These were the things he told me on our way to his home. I think this is the most I’ve ever talked to Kageyama ever.

It was late evening and the sky had turned pink to navy. If it weren’t for the events that took place a few hours before, I would be able to say that it was a great day.

Initially, both of us walked in silence. It took me a while, but after one of the conversations started, I didn’t let them stop. I told him about my family and things that I enjoy (I avoided talking about Daichi or soulmates in general). For the first couple of minutes, it was just me speaking. But after a while, he began to open up.

His short and straightforward answers said through a shaky voice somewhat helped my anxious mind. This was so unlike the usual Kageyama. His cool blue iris were a sharp contrast to his red cornea and puffy eye bags. I could still make out the lines left by his tears on his pale cheeks. He was still wearing his practice clothes. He looked tired.

We walked at a slow pace, the wind blew gently as if it knew our situation. The way to his house was quite long and by the time we reached the apartment, my legs were sore.

The apartment complex was……….big and looked fancy. He led the way toward his floor. Oh dang, did I mention they had a lift? I never knew my Kouhai was so rich. 

We reach his apartment and he presses his fingers into the scanner, Yikes…. He gently opens the door and invites me in.

“Ojamashimasu!” I say as I enter the house. I'm greeted by an Orange Scottish Fold cat who purrs while rubbing my legs.

We take off our shoes and he guides me to the sofa. I don’t think I’ve sat on anything more comfortable than it. The cat, Mikan, jumps on to my lap. Haaaaaaaa so cute!

I looked around. Kageyama's apartment reminded me of the houses of rich people in those Korean dramas. The furniture and the overall layout of the apartment was quite western. Everything from the lights to the stairs had a chic and classy vibe to it. The apartment was pretty spacious and the grey and white colors emitted sophistication. I also took note of how clean and organized the apartment was. As I turn my gaze towards the walls, numerous framed pictured hang on the wall. I lift Mikan with me as I walk towards them.

I look at the photo, few of them have Kageyama. Kageyama’s father looks grumpy and serious in all the photos, but I gotta say he’s handsome. Chocolate hair and tanned skin. He is smiling in none of the photos except for one. One particular photo with all of the family members, he is smiling. An awkward smile but a smile nevertheless. Kageyama’s older brother looks just like his father. However, he seems more like a cheery person. In most of the photos, he is either grinning at the camera or making another family member laugh. Kageyama’s grandma is also in the photos, she looks passive like her son and grandson. In one of the pictures, she is holding a baby Tobio as Miwa and Tobio’s elder brother surround her to stare at their brother.

Miwa looks like the female version of Tobio. Hehe. Both of them have the same straight poker face in all of the frames. I would say that Tobio looks more curious than angry compared to Miwa as I feel like she just wants to kill the person taking the pictures. Uff that glare.

The biggest frame had a sole picture of Mrs. Kageyama. She resembles like Tobio and Miwa, but the wide grin she wore was more similar to her eldest.

I wonder if she was bright as her smile……………………… I wonder what she would do to console her youngest.

Kageyama coughs. I turn to look at him. I totally forgot he was here too, Idiot Koushi.

“Would you like to drink something?” he looks constipated and frantic. Ah, my poor kouhai. I give him a soft smile. I should probably go home now. Kageyama must be drained and I think I’ll just tire him more.

“No, not really. I think I’ll leave now because it’s quite late.” I said as I moved to pick my bag. His instantly panicked reply caught me off guard again.

“You can stay here for tonight!”

Eh….. I’d never imagined a day like this would come to be. 

“I won’t want to bother you and your family Kageyama.” I said. True, I know that my mom would be pissed as hell if I invited one of my friends for a sleepover without her permission. 

He lowers his panicked eyes to his feets. “You won’t!”

“They-They don’t really live here. And my grandma is staying at my aunt's for a few months”

What? His siblings and father don’t live here? why? He’s been living on his own?

“Please!” He looks back at me with a pinched expression

I…

“Please!” he holds my hand.

“Just for today.” “just today, don’t leave me alone”

I feel my chest tighten. Has he always been so alone? Has he always felt so lonely?

I can’t say no to those eyes. I let out a sigh and say Okay. His eyes brighten. I call my mom and inform her. She scolds me for not calling sooner but allows me to stay over. She ends the call with “take care.”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We both sit on the sofa in silence. The silence wasn’t suffocating like before though. Mikan sits on my lap as I play with her ears. She purrs softly and scrunches her nose. Kageyama lend me his pajamas, they’re a little too big for me but hey! At least they’re super comfortable. Kageyama is sitting a few feet away from me. He had his head rested on the armrest of the sofa and his body was curled up. He looked smaller and cuter than the usual stern Kageyama.

“I’m sorry that what happened today” I’m startled as he suddenly speaks.

“huh? What? Why?” I blabber. Why does he have to be sorry? Not his fault that he was rejected.

He opens his mouth but no words come out. He lowers his gaze and speaks. “I know I overreacted”

Huh? Overreacted? I… I don’t know what to say to him. Did he overreact?

I know that if the word goes around, people will only label him as “the person with the reject soul bond” than a talented volleyball player. I’ve heard a few things about what happened in his previous school, for sure those people will do their worst if they get to know about this.

I know that your soulmate rejecting your mark isn’t the biggest problem and life will go on, but is it really that easy to move on?

The discussion of soulmates is a complex one for sure. Broken soul bonds are often looked down upon by society. Maybe, not looked down upon but most people are often sympathetic towards a broken bond- too sympathetic in fact. If a person has a broken bond, he is seen to be nothing more than a person with a broken bond and that sucks.

I personally think that there is no shame in having a rejected bond or a broken bond. Like, I know it’s sad that your destined partner is not THE ONE but there are plenty of fishes in the pond. And more importantly, there is more to life than just soulmates. 

But I think I understand why he was afraid of us knowing about his mark. He didn’t want us to know that he was scared of being labeled “rejected” or “unwanted”.

I don’t know much about him. This mystery that surrounds him is what fascinated me initially. But now, I just want to know him and help him. But although he may not tell me everything that happens in his life like Tanaka or Hinata, I surely know a few things about him.

Like his real personality and feelings. I know that my kouhai here has trouble properly expressing himself. I know that he may look mean but he is a softie within. I know how much he loves volleyball. I know how much he loves our team.

He….he didn’t overreact. He just didn’t want this part of himself to be known by others. This part of him was supposed to be a secret and this dramatic reveal just caught him off-guard.

I should have stopped the thing from blowing up. I should have stopped the other guys when they were forcing him. I should have talked to him before.

I look at him. His expressionless face is back and he looks pensive but he still looks so much younger than when he is on the court.

I shift towards him.

“Sorry, I could have been more of help,” I said.

“you’re talking to me right now, the best thing anyone can for me” he replied, eyes still vacant and lost.

“I know this is sudden but you can open up to me, you know” I hold his face with my palm and I look into his eyes. They shined a dull blue.

“what you tell me today stays between you and me only, I swear.” Those dull blue twinkle with tears as his breaks again.

He tells me everything and I listen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it's short. This chapter was really long, so I decided to break it into two chapters. I hope you've enjoyed it. Stay safe and healthy. The next chapter will be updated tomorrow.


	7. chapter 5-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama's past unravels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extreme apologizes for the late update. I was supposed to upload this day before yesterday but Online classes has been murdering my free time.  
> Also, sorry for grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Your girl here hates proofreading so (╹ڡ╹ )
> 
> I hope you all are well. The number of infected in my country is rising. I personally have not had trouble with the lockdown, but I know many people who are suffering because of it. I hope that this crisis ends fast and things get better.

**Kageyama’s past POV**

_You know who your destined partner is by a look at their mark._

_People say that you feel chills when you see your soulmate’s mark. My sister said that she saw her mate sparkle and shine when she first saw her mark. There are some people who know their mate even without seeing the mark, intuition they say. You gravitate towards your soulmate regardless of your position and identity._

_I used to think that all of it was stupid. Hopelessly romantic stories, which were meant appeal to and excite people. But I too was eager to meet my mate. Hope bloomed at the thought of someone ideal for me and myself only. Someone who would look at me and not ignore me. Oh, how pompous of me._

_When I first saw Oikawa-san’s mark, I too felt the said unfamiliar chills down my spine. I didn’t see sparkles or shine that my sister talked about, but I knew. It was like an overdue dream come true, too good to be true. He was a person I looked up to and he was everything I had wanted to become. I was so happy that someone as beautiful as amazing as him would be my mate. He was everything I was not and I thought what could be imperfect better than two incomplete pieces coming together to complete each other._

_When I first laid eyes on that familiar silhouette of the crown, I was thankful that God was more generous than I had thought he was. For everybody whoever told me that I couldn’t or wouldn’t have a soul mate because I’m too weird or too rude, it was a reassurance that I too had someone who would cherish me and love me. A short-lived sweet relief. An assurance that I too was deserved love. That I too could be loved._

_I stared at his mark for a solid minute and finally gather the courage to tell him. My hands were sweaty, my body shook with excitement._

_“Oikawa-san”_

_He turned his head, graced me with his chocolate eyes. I hadn’t noticed he was on his phone._

_“What?” he hissed, face turning soar at my call._

_“I-I’m your soulmate senpai!” I stammer with excitement. He stare at me flat. He looks blank for a while, but then scoffs at me and resumes texting._

_“No, you’re not” he said. He put his phone in my pocket and began packing his back. “Stop making things up”_

_“No! I’m not lying” I move closer to him. He pauses for a moment, lets out a chuckle and continues packing._

_I didn’t know what to do or say. So, I tried again. “Oikawa-san, you really are my mate I felt it”_

_He snapped his head to me and growls._

_“NO YOU ARE NOT MY MATE!! Just because I was kind to you for a moment doesn’t mean you get to say whatever you want. I hated you at first glance. So, there is no way”_

_I was shaking, I try to hang on to something. I hastily show him my mark. “Here! When I saw your mark I felt it. You-you must have felt it too”_

_His eyes widen, and he lets out a gasp._

_Then, he stomps towards me and my face is pulled up to his face. His nails dug in my cheeks as he holds my face like it were a volleyball. I was on my tiptoes as he was so much taller than me then. His eyes burned with anger and a sentiment that I was too familiar with: resentment._

_“I. feel. Nothing” he enunciated each word. After a moment, he shoveled me back and walked out of the room._

_“Even if you are my mate, I will never love someone like you. You’re annoying, nothing more than that”_

_I knew that I wasn’t god’s favorite child. But at that time, I knew that he hated me more than anyone else._

_I stood there as my crown turned gray, chest aching, and sobbing._

_The next day at practice, he was the same as before. He was cheery like always. Played flawlessly. Teased Iwaizumi-san. Helped and talked to all of the first years except me. It was like I never confessed to him. It seemed like I was the only one who was chasing him, my greying mark suggested a similar situation._

_I tried to stay positive. I try to talk to him. I ask him to teach me how to serve. I give him his prized milk bread, which I bought with my pocket money. I talk to Iwaizumi-san for guidance._

_But it seemed like no matter whatever I did I could only annoy Oikawa-san more than ever. He never gave me anything but a glare or an irritated smirk. He ignored me most of the time and would scold me for no reason on special occasions. I tried for a month and gave up._

_I noticed that he was like that only to me. Whenever Kindaichi failed to score, Oikawa-san would always be there to console him. Oikawa-san would give Kunimi his favorite candy every other day and would give him unlimited advice at his request. Oikawa-san always looked after Iwaizumi-san. His care was usually secretive, but he would always look after Iwaizumi-san. Like soft concerned glances when Iwaizumi-senpai was out of his game or like when he covered for him at times. Oikawa-san was kind to all but me._

_However, things weren’t as bad as they are now before. Although I was rejected, life went on. After a few months, my mind was a bit more settled and I was more focused on volleyball. But then came the day when things fell apart._

_I lived with my grandma and grandfather. My father and siblings lived in Tokyo. They would frequently come to Miyagi to visit my grandparents. One of these days, my father invited one of his old friend for dinner. Miwa-neesan and I helped grandma with the preparations while father and grandfather talked about things._

_I was later shocked to know that it was Oikawa-san’s family. I was terrified, I had told no-one but my grandparents about the rejection._

_Oikawa-san’s family came over in the evening. Mr. Oikawa looked very excited to meet my father and they both spent the whole night talking about things of the past. He looked like Oikawa-san, just older and more stressed. He spoke in a polite and soft manner and when he passed by me I could grab a faint smell of cigarettes. He talked with my father and grandparents about the old days and they talked about what they were up to now. Apparently, they were neighbors before my family moved to Tokyo for my father’s job._

_Mrs. Oikawa had to miss the dinner because of her work. Oikawa-san’s sister was just as out-going as her brother. She had the same pretty brown eyes and surprisingly ( ~~or unsurprisingly~~ ) they bore heat when they stalled at me. ( ~~maybe he told her about me)~~ She and Miwa-neesan talked about fashion trends throughout the whole dinner. She laughed at my sister’s sarcastic remarks about a certain model and Miwa-neesan smiled briefly at her out of the world impressions of designers. By the time dinner ended, they had become great friends. _

_Oikawa-san, himself, had taken to himself to entertain my brother. They both were engrossed in talks about stars and planets which I didn’t understand at all. I kept my silence at the dinner table and was lucky ~~(or unlucky~~ ) enough to be forgotten._

_I was anxious throughout the whole dinner. Oikawa-san didn’t even spare a glance at me once, I didn’t know whether to be thankful or not. I feel my chest tighten. I kept my focus on the crispy grilled salmon on my table._

_“If possible next Saturday you should come over to our place, please bring your family as well,” Mr. Oikawa said with a dazzling smile._

_My father agreed with a smile. ~~A rare smile that was never directed toward me. A wave of jealousy hits my heart.~~_

_\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_The day before the dinner, Oikawa-san almost slaps me for asking for help. If it weren’t for Iwaizumi-san, he might as well would have. He didn't apologize, when he rushed out of the court with a bloody nose and Iwaizumi-san at his side. I say goodbye which was only returned by Iwaizumi-san._

_The next day, we went to Oikawa-san’s place for dinner. Miwa–neesan had to leave to Tokyo because she had a school project and Grandfather was not feeling well. So, it was just me, father, brother, and grandma on our way to Oikawa-san’s. I was nervous and anxious within my core. In the car, father and brother talked about the stock market as my grandma slept beside me. I wished I never went there._

_The dinner initially was decent, all of them ignored me as usual. Oikawa-san’s house was more traditional than ours, I felt it was more cozy and warm there than at my place. A kotatsu was sitting beside the table we ate in. I met Oikawa-san’s mother for the first time. She was pretty. She talked with my grandma about knitting and cooking as she served us our meals. The food was great too. Mrs. Oikawa cooked spaghetti and salad for us. Mr. Oikawa had brought out a bottle of sake on the table and there were heaps of plates. People were surrounding me._

_Oikawa-san was completely engrossed in an argument with my brother about the film ET, while our fathers talked about the pasts like always. I’m left alone with my devices until the chair beside me is pulled and Oikawa-san’s sister sits beside me._

_I stop eating and stare at her. I look around and everyone seems busy._

_I look at her and she is glaring at me. What am I supposed to do?_

_“Miwa-neesan had to go to Tokyo suddenly because of school today,” I said. I keep my gaze down to my plate. I feel her glare pierce through me. She really doesn’t like me._

_I hear her scoff. “I haven’t even spoken to you for a minute and I can already tell why Tooru hates you”_

_What?_

_**If it weren’t for you mom would be alive, you rascal!**_

_I look at her. She smirks. Why is it always like this for me?_

_“I’m sorry, have I done something wrong?”_

_“Yes, you have. He already told you that he doesn’t want you, so suck it up your ass and leave him alone” she snarled at me quietly as the usual buzz of conversations continues._

_“I-_

_“Shut up. I know you’ve been bothering him. My brother deserves someone much better than someone like you. And I know you are lying. He felt nothing when he saw your mark.”_

_It’s not like I’ve never heard similar words like these before, but this hurts more because it’s coming from someone who is close to my soul mate. I keep my silence._

_“I know you are a good for nothing kid who is below average at study and you are one hell of a rude person, never smiling and weird. And plus my brother already has some he likes. So, stop following him like a mutt.”_

_She grabs the plate of spaghetti and serves me a portion with a smile. That look terrifies me till today._

_“If you don’t stop, I’ll make sure that I’ll hand you your ass on a silver plate. And I know your family won’t care once they find out that you’ve been hiding your sexuality from them”_

_An image of my father: angry and furious pops in the back of my mind._

_We stay in silence for a while._

_I think about how if he hates me this much, maybe I should stop after all. But I haven’t asked him to reconsider his decisions about our relation for months. I stopped pleading for a chance after a month or two of his rejection. I’ve only asked him to help me with volleyball. I guess he really does want nothing from me._

_“Maiko-san”_

_“It’s Oikawa-san for you” I flinch_

_“If this bond is so much taxing for Oikawa-san, can we maybe remove it?”_

_Her eyes widen. But she glare returns full-fledged._

_“You are asking me to remove my brother’s soulmate mark just because YOU 'felt' that he was your soulmate” she rolls her eyes at me._

_“Get a life boy. And leave Tooru-chan alone” she said as she moved to the seat beside my brother. She joined into their conversation as nothing happened before._

_I don’t know how I did it, but I stopped myself from breaking down there and then._

_The mark didn’t hurt during my first year in Kitagawa Daichi. It did throb from time to time but that was not that painful. The first time I felt it burn was after the disaster in my third year. The one where after they abandoned me, the one very when I had become a demanding king. Oikawa-san and Iwaizumi-san had been there. They watched the match, and comfort the rest of the 3 rd years._

_I stayed on the bench as I watched Oikawa-san hug and talk to Kindaichi who was crying. Oikawa-san glared at me for a solid minute and a sharp pain rushes to my neck. The pain remained even when I returned home. I feel numb as my father roared at me. He scolded me, blamed me but I couldn’t feel anything past the pain._

**_Why were you the one who lived, I wish you were the one who fell that day._ **

_Accustomed to those words, I stare blankly at him. He must have been stressed....... and terribly sad, Grandfather had passed away just recently. I let him pour his grievance at me. Why? Because what else can I do to help him?_

_He screams profanities and blames me for everything. At the lack of my response, he slapped me hard and I stay still. I wondered if he’d ever believed me if I told him that my soulmate was Oikawa-san. I wish I could tell him._

_It was just him and me in the room. Grandma was with Miwa-neesan, both immersed in mourning while brother looked after them. They were in Tokyo, we had to take Grandpa to Tokyo for the surgery and he passed away there. I wish I was there too. Without my grandparents and Miwa-neesan this house feels much more empty and colder than ever._

_I wish I could tell them that I was hurting too._

_Father grabbed my arms and slammed me into the table. He yells at my ears, “You’ve ruined everything.” I let him have his way that night._

_He beats me. He slapped me. He blames me for my mother’s death. My friends losing their last game of middle school. Miwa’s anxiety. My brother’s detachments from the family. Grandfather’s passing. Grandmother’s cries. His pains. He screams my mother’s name as he wails in my arms. I try to hold him together, whisper words of comfort but he processes on crying. I wish I could tell him about my problems too. Selfish of me right? How selfish of me to enjoy his embrace at such a moment._

_Once, he was done crying, his anger came back._

_The next day, I couldn’t go to school because every inch of my body was bruised. My mark still burned._

_People in my class were usually dismissive of me. My classmate would often leave me out of conversations but they never said or did anything bad to me too._

_It was during this period I noticed how truly lonely I was._

_They didn’t hurt me. But that was before my “king” incident. After the loss, not a day passed without people reminding me about my terrors. A rumor had spread, one that said that I had forced myself on Oikawa-san and demanded his attention. When he ignored me, I made a fuss and accused him of rejecting our bond. That I pretended that he was my soul mate. Most people said that I didn’t have a soulmate while others said I had one but was rejected. Some people said I bullied my fellow teammate into bad addictions. Some people (my father) said I was responsible for my mother’s death. Others just bashed me for no particular reason. I know who spread the rumors but I chose to stay quiet._

_“Who would want the bossy king anyway” they would whisper._

_I tried apologizing to my teammates, to my friends. But they ignore me and looked at me like I killed their dogs. I try to talk to Kindaichi and Kunimi at graduation. I apologized._

_“We never considered someone like you a friend” Kunimi said as he pulls Kindaichi aways from me. He glares at me as he holds Kindaichi protectively. I forgot that they were chosen mates._

_Oikawa-san and Iwaizumi-san are watching from behind them._

_“Oh good lords, you guys. Stop this” Iwaizumi-san said as he guides Kunimi and Kindaichi towards the food stalls. I feel Oikawa-san’s stare as I looked at Iwaizumi-san’s white blazer. I feel my mark flare with pain. I try my best to not flinch._

_“Don’t even think about coming to Aoba Johsai, Tobio-chan” I know_

_“No one wants a tyrant like you there” my neck is numb and I have to pinch myself from crying out aloud._

_His eyes hold no remorse for the pain he’s caused. Does he even know?_

_He huffs and proceeds to walk towards the others._

_I failed my entrance for Shiratorizawa and get into Karasuno._

_\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

**Sugawara’s POV**

I listened to Tobio’s story. At times he would stop and stutter. At times he would choke out words while crying. Mikan was fast asleep in my lap. After Tobio stops talking, we sit in silence.

“So, Oikawa knows that you guys are soulmates but lied to his sister and friends about it”

“Yeah basically. You believe me?”

“Of course, I do. You don’t lie much and when you do it’s really easy to tell. You’re like an open book.”

..........

“things were really bad for you before right?” I said. He nods silently.

“At least, I’m not alone now,” he says as he smiles at me. A full grin. He gave me a real smile.

OH MY GOD. He has dimples how come I’ve never noticed???

“You should smile more you know. You look really cute right now” his face turns tomato red. I chuckle at his cuteness.

And all of a sudden my stomach growls loudly. Then, his stomach follows.

We both stare at each other and break into laughter.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Kageyama laugh so freely before. Good job Koushi. Help him loosen up.

He moves toward the open kitchen. Even the kitchen looks stellar and pristine.

“Will Omu rice be okay for you, Sugawara-san?” he asks as he rumbles for ingredients through the fridge.

I grin at him. I shift Mikan-chan to a cushion nearby and walk to the kitchen. “Only if you let me help you”

He smiles back and nods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) have a great day. Please leave comments and reviews. The next chapter is Fluff so :D


	8. chapter 6-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa's monologue part 10000, Suga and Kageyama try figuring things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italics= flashback.  
> Hello, I know it has been forever since I've posted but I'm back!!! I'm so sorry for this long break but things were a bit crazy for me, especially the last couple of months. A lot has been happening in the world too, So I pray you all are well. And I would also want to say this out loud, IBO SUCKS AND IT CAN SUCK EVERYONE'S ASS. yes so moving on, I was wondering how can this year go worst than it already has been and then BANG! Haikyuu's manga is ending😭😭
> 
> Thankfully, the ending was a proper closure for the series (in my humble opinion) because if it were not so, I would have lost it. I remember I was 15 when season 3 of Haikyuu came out and I watched the whole season with so much awe. It was the first time I realized how amazing this piece of work in its entirety is. The world, the characters, the story, the music, everything about Haikyuu was the best gift a 15-year-old me could ever ask for. Between the gap between season 3 and 4, I think I watched season 3 more than 20 times. And never once did it fail to brighten my often gloomy mood. 
> 
> Now, it might sound very hypocritic for me (you know the person who is writing this fanfic😂) to say that Haikyuu is so much more than just fanmade ships, but yes it is so much more than that. It's a story that is close to many people's hearts and has a very realistic portrayal of a dreamer like Hinata in the most anime way😂. This ending is emotional for many of us who had made reading the manga weekly a part of their lives. It feels surreal that it's ending now. I don't know how to explain it but I think that now that I've seen them grown and I somehow feel that's it's only okay for me to grow as well. 
> 
> Well, that's about it now. I hope you guys are well:)  
> (P.S- I still need to edit this 😅)  
> I aim to upload weekly from now on (hopefully🤞)

** Oikawa’s thoughts **

People always told me that I was selfish. They would smile and pat my back and when I walked away they would start talking behind my back, that I was too selfish enough to let my burning jealousy affect my behavior towards a genius kouhai… They would complain to god knows who, ‘how dare I not be satisfied with just men and want women too’, they say I was selfish enough to love both men and women. But am I that bad? My behavior towards that genius Kouhai of mine is fuelled with fear, my insecurities which I very much acknowledge, and just because I’m older than him ( ~~or because I’m his soulmate~~ ) doesn’t mean I’m obliged to assist him with whatever he wants. I’m not a saint, and clearly don’t have the patience to deal with his requests. I didn’t want to do anything with him and I had my right to decline.

I was clear with my preferences from a young age, I always knew what I wanted. I knew that I liked boys from the very beginning because Iwa-chan was a boy and I had sworn to marry him, but as I grew older I began noticing how magical girls were.

In fact, my first kiss was with a girl in middle school. She had long black hair and big brown eyes, that turned yellow like honey under the sun, the typical school crush of a boy my age. Her eyelashes would flutter like a butterfly and her smile, gosh her smile was breathtaking. The moment I saw her smile, I realized what exactly my ideal type was. The kiss wasn’t exactly magical but she surely was. It was a nice kiss nevertheless considering my inexperienced panicky ass. Her plump lips tasted like cherries and breathe smelled like mint. When she cupped my face with her small hands, I felt my face go red and my heart ran.

She, the school’s beauty queen, was a year older than me (I was in first year in middle school) and I had asked her out (god knows why and how). She rejected me but told me that she could give me a kiss because she found me cute.

And I liked it. I liked it a lot.

I liked the way she felt. The way she spoke, her smell, her smile, and the way she held my hands. Her hands, softer and smaller compared to mine. I fumbled while holding them. I wondered if I was wrong about my sexuality. At the moment, I wished I could look at those eyes forever.

After a while, as the lunch bell rang, guilt crept up my chest. I shared my first kiss with someone else. It was supposed to be him. I couldn’t look into his eyes that whole day.

But I quickly dismissed my guilt by reassuring myself that everything would be fine if I’d just tell him about my urges. Everything would be fine if I didn’t lie. On our way back home, I told him about the kiss (I KNOW I’M FUCKING STUPID AND TRASH). He pauses. He looks at me as if he were searching for lies.

_“It’s not like I wanted to marry her Iwa-chan. Just a kiss. My heart belongs to you.” I tried to explain it with my bullshit._

_“You say that with the same mouth you kissed her” he was angry and hurt, I was surprised at his sudden outburst._

_“I will be your and yours only Iwa-chan. But for now, I want to explore you see….”_ I told him about how I liked her and her touches. How I wanted to “live and enjoy” a bit and that he should cut me some slack. My relations with girls would be nothing serious, I told him. He grew sadder as I spoke more.

_“The one I truly love is you,” I told him as I kissed him softly. I knew that I took his first kiss and was very proud of that._

His kiss was different. It was rough, with him totally inexperienced and me just one kiss aware but it was sweet and subtle in every way possible. As his arms held my waist as he whirled me around, I drowned familiar warmth. He tasted like salt and his lips were less softer but oh how comforting they compared to hers.

She was magical, but he felt like home. It felt so right.

He looked at me with a discomfort _. “I would prefer if you’d just be satisfied with me…….”_

_“You are more than enough… it’s just that I wanted to learn more about myself, this unknown part of me, gain more experience. I swear I won’t cross the line. I swear my lips only belong to you”_

I wish that I had followed what I said. 

I dated a couple of girls after that. Made out with a bunch of them. Many times when Iwa-chan could clearly see us. I used to love how jealous he would get. Initially, Iwa-chan would get angry and we would argue, gradually his anger changed to dismay and as time passed he stopped pestering me. As my lips played with another of my “girlfriend’s” lips I would wondered if I was betraying Iwa-chan, but I thought that everything was “fine” because I was transparent with my relations.

After so many of those arguments, we had a really big fight. He asked me if he was serious about loving him and wanting him, and I said “ _You are the only thing that I think of as mine and mine only_ ”. We started dating during our first year of high school.

And then I had a fling with this guy from this other school. That cunning handsome rat. I tried to keep it hidden but Iwa-chan somehow got to know about it and that was the last straw for him. That fight we had that day was the worst.

_“Why are you like this Tooru? Why am I not enough for you?” Iwa-chan yelled at me._

_I was young and selfish. “You are the one who preached me about loving the way I am, and you now blame me for my behavior. You don’t like the way I am Iwa-chan. You can’t just ask me to change and chain myself into one this one relationship?”_

_“What are you talking about Tooru? This has nothing to do with loving the way you are!!! It’s about you not being FAITHFUL-”_

_“You know how insecure I am Hajime, and yet you ask me that”_

_“YOU’RE INSECURE??? I’m the one who is being led on to. You’re the one fooling around other people and YOU’RE INSECURE??”_

_“I’m not fooling around, it’s called being social okay-”_

_“Being social, *scoff* so you were being ‘social’ when you stuck your tongue down his throat?”_

_“I told you we were just messing around a bit-”_

_“Messing around?” his voice had sounded broken as tears steadily stream down his cheeks._

_“YES, MESSING AROUND… MY GOD IWA-CHAN… you don’t have to be up on my neck every time!!”_

_……_

_“You’re right Tooru” “I’ll just stay away from this, from us from now on.”_

_“WHAT??? Iwa-chan don’t be so dramatic”_

_“No. I can’t do this anymore. I really can’t”_

_I was struck by lighting and thick guilt clouded my mind. I was finally able to grasp how I was just exploiting him and his love and patience for all this years. I begged for him to stay, apologized like mad. But he had had enough._

_……………………………………._

_“Shittykawa stop crying on me. I’m just ending us romantically, you will still be the same Shittykawa for me”_

After that day onwards, me and Iwa-chan weren’t a thing and I was all my fault.

But I never gave of my dream of a future with him. I had never doubted it, because I thought Iwa-chan will obviously come back to me at the end. But then, he met Hikaru and I realized how perfect he was for him. Later I found out that he was Iwa-chan soulmate.

And I felt my world crash.

Because I knew my Iwa-chan very well, he wouldn’t dare to break a person like Hikaru-chan's heart. And I also knew that their bound was something so different than ours, something that they both treasured and protected. I could feel how he felt complete in Hikaru’s arms.

It never occurred to me that Iwa-chan would choose someone else over me but then he had never promised me that he would reject his soulmate for me like I had, he never did. He just promised that he would be with me and love me. I was the one who trashed my bond without wavering for hopes of my precious dream.

But why did THAT person out of all have to be my soulmate?

Ever since Iwa-chan and Hikaru-chan have gotten together, my heart has never been at rest. Hate, unfiltered ~~(maybe undeserving~~ ) hate brews for him. If it weren’t for this tyrant maybe I would be Iwa-chan’s.

As I stare into my Tokyo scholarship letter in my hand, I wonder how things could have gone better.

****

** With Tobio  **

Suga and Kageyama eat as they continue to chatter amongst themselves. The atmosphere seems to be a bit lighter, as Sugawara has been telling Kageyama about funny incidents about his family. Mikan is fast asleep in the sofa.

“So, my mom was so pissed with her that she cut off her allowance for that month. Ugh… you should have seen her face, she looked as if a dog had just eaten her new makeup kit. She was so sad tho, she couldn't buy the new collection that month and she complained my ears off.” Suga snickers as he spoke.

Kageyama, who was feeling a lot better now, joined “My sister has the same obsession with makeup Sugawara-san! Once when my father got her a limited edition collection of Amore Pacific, she hugged him so hard that he almost went blue.”

Sugawara chuckled as he asked, “Your father seems to dote a lot on your sister?”

“Yeah, everybody in this house does actually. My sister… she was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression, following our mother’s death. So, we do as much as we can do ease her. It gets difficult for her at times despite us meddling tho.”

Kageyama, who has now stopped eating, looked deeply saddened. Suga can feel his sadness radiating around him, “That sucks man…. She seems like a really nice person.”

Kageyama sighs softly, “She is. She’s the only person, other than my grandma, so seems to not hate my presence.” Suga can't help but frown at that. Why is the world against this boy.

They sit in silence. Then, Kageyama moves towards the kitchen to wash their plates. Suga follows him into the pristine white kitchen, while he is walking by he notices something was unusual.

The rice cooker looked very old and worn out, as it stood out very evidently against the rest of the white appliances at the white graphite marble table. So, he asked Kageyama, “Hey, I don’t mean to sound rude or anything but why does your rice cooker look so blown out?”

Kageyama without even looking at him replies, “Because it was blown out.” He put the plates on the rack to dry.

“My brother wanted to treat my grandma one day and so he decided to make her favorite dish. We till this day don’t know how, but he somehow managed to blow up the rice cooker and the oven.” At the reveal, both of them laugh.

“Whaaaa?”

“My sister was like I’m so sure that this idiot put the cooker on the oven, and my brother didn’t even deny it. Thank god my grandma was nearby when he was doing his thing or else this whole place would be done for. Though my grandma still wouldn’t tell us what he exactly did for the rice cooker and the oven to end up the way they were. We replaced the oven, the rice cooker is like a reminder of my brother's disastrous cooking skills”

Sugawara is still chuckling when they make their way to Kageyama’s bedroom. Kageyama hands Suga a pair of his navy pajama as he voices his concern, “Ne, Sugawara-san…”

“hmm.” The pajamas are a bit too big for Suga but he could make it work, so he directs his attention towards his kouhai.

Kageyama looks conflicts and he continues, “I think I should skip practice tomorrow”

In his mind, Suga gasps, the great Kageyama who would deny a very obvious nosebleed to stay in court is very consciously thinking of skipping practice!!!!!!!

Kageyama looks at his troubled, “… I don’t-……I-I don’t think I can face them tomorrow.”

Suddenly Suga is reminded of all the chaos of the day. He sighs as he carefully places his hand on Kageyama’s back, “I never thought a day would come when you would voluntaryly skip practice but oh how wrong was I.”

Kageyama’s classic pout makes a reappearance, and shortly after a breath is knocked out of him as Suga starts patting his back with much-needed force.

“Don’t worry!!! Everything will be just fine.” His tone drops to serious mode, “There is no shame in admitting that you were rejected by your mate Kageyama. And I’m sure the team will support you so matter what your relationship with your soulmate is. They will treat you as they always have. Trust me, they will not think of you as anything less.”

Kageyama just gazes at him silently, Suga then urges him to get in bed as it was late. They both lay in Tobio’s bed.

Suga shifts so that he can look at Tobio, “Hey Tobio”

Tobio jerks awake from la la land, as he too shifts to face his senior. “Thank you for the Omu-rice today. I was one of the best ones I’ve had.” Tobio just softy smiles at his Senpai’s pretty grin, “the pleasure was all mine.”

“It seems like there are a lot of things I don’t know about you huh?”

“um..”

“I will be sticking around you then… I want you to know that I am here with you Tobio. I will listen to anything you want to say. You can rely on me. You can rely on our team. ” with the lights turned off Kageyama’s minimally decorated room seems like a void. They sleep together in his bed even though there was 5 other unused room.

Tobio has never spoken about his feelings to anyone for the longest time, and today when he spoke to Suga it felt as if a burden had when lifted off of him. He felt so much lighter and less alone.

When something is repeated on and on and on you start to believe it. In his case, Tobio feels undeserving of being in the team, like an outsider. He feels that Oikawa deserves someone who is much better than himself. And that maybe Oikawa was right after all, that it was just his wish for them to be mates.

The throbbing ache in his head and chest said something different. This overwhelming feeling of being hated on sometimes is too prevalent to be normal. The recent frequent nosebleeds were not due to volleyball or the heat. This was something else.

“Suga-san, can you feel Daichi-san's love through your mark?” he asked solemnly.

“well, it was amazing the first time we saw each other’s marks. It was like God had come to earth just to give me him. Now, I don’t exactly feel ‘love’ from my mark, but I’ve felt complete in a certain way you see. When he smiles at me, I feel as if the world is redundant if not for his existence. I just feel happy when I see him. I really don’t know how to put it in words, …. So sorry”  
  


“It’s fine Suga-san. What redundant though?”

“Umm. Well, how do I explain it….When I’m with him the rest of the world feels unnecessary. Like just having him is enough for me.”

“Oh.”

“yeah”

“That must be nice.”

“It is.”

An awkward pause.

Suga gently holds Kageyama’s hands and waits.

“When my mark lost its color I didn’t exactly feel much pain. But nowadays, It had been rather…. harsh.”

He takes in a shaky breath, “Some days, I can’t sleep because of how much it burns. It used to be a constant reminder of who hated me, that I was unwanted, but now it just hurts and this exhausts me.”

Suga’s heart clenches as he listens. “Have you talked to him lately? Maybe you guys can talk about it once, or if it’s too painful you can get it removed. Cause from what I know, rejected marks are supposed to be taken care of with caution.”

“I don’t think he will listen. he didn't listen back in middle school.”

“Do you hate him for what he did?”

“I don’t hate Oikawa-san for rejecting my bond. I can’t. I think it’s fine if he doesn’t even want to try. It was painful to accept then but I’m fine with it now. I just want him to stop denying that we are marked. I want these feelings to go away. I just want the pain to go away.”

Suga takes a deep breath. “Talk to him, explain your suffering to him. It would be better if you did before nationals. I can come with you. If he denies again, He’ll eat my fist. Maybe he doesn’t know how he’s hurting you? If he’s guilty of causing you pain then you can have a mutual agreement it can be removed.”

“really?”

“Yes, this Friday after school go talk to him.”

“I-I’m scared”

“I will come with you, and I can talk to him. If he still doesn’t want to get it removed then we could talk to your father, he and Oikawa’s father are close friends right?”

“yes…but my father doesn’t exactly like me or trust me too.” Suga's expression darken at the memory of Tobio's father.

…….

“then, we’ll tell Miwa-san. She will convince him for sure.”

“Miwa-neesan…. Will she trust me?”

“She will. She cares for you." Kageyama's body trembles at that as he holds onto Suga. 

Suga who was dead set on freeing the younger tightens the hug "We have got to do something, or else you’ll wither away in agony dear. Things have to change before it’s too late. Once this rejection reaches a certain stage, nothing will be able to reverse it.”

_An image of his mother’s teary smile flashes in his mind._

“I understand.”

They eventually end up falling asleep after talking about how Suga wants to become a teacher and Tobio’s plans to make it into the national volleyball team. They don't even bulge when Mikan pees on top of them.

** At practice the next day **

Everybody looks deflated. The usual merry vibe of the court is replaced with airy silence. Even the most energetic people are quiet, Hinata and Nishinoya don’t have their bubbly confessions following. They are simply mopping the floors as they wait for their youngest member to arrive. Everyone is waiting for the team’s two setters.

Tsukishima seems the most restless and his puffy eyes tell that he had been anxious. He was extremely guilty of his actions yesterday.

After what felt like an eternity, Suga and Kageyama arrive. The whole gym freezes and stays frozen until Daichi loud “ATTENTION” snaps them out of it.

All of the members stand before Kageyama and Suga, “We’re sorry captain, we woke up a bit late with cat piss on us” Suga smiles at Daichi and moves to give in a small peck on his lips.

Tobio, who looks the most nervous, bows to them sternly, “I’m sorry for my behavior yesterday, I didn’t mean to overreact. I-”

“What noooo” Both the energetic duo cut him off with a yell.

“No, please listen to me once.” They quiet down to let in speak again.

“I did somewhat overreact because I thought that it was very shameful for me to be rejected by my own soulmate. It has always been difficult for me to talk about this matter as I’m not exactly too fond of my current situation. But now I understand that I have nothing to be ashamed of. So, I’m so sorry for hiding it for so long.” Kageyama speaks as he looks at Suga from time to time.

Surprisingly, it is Tsukishima who responses first. Right after Kageyama finishes, Tsukishima strides towards him and envelopes him into his long arms.

“I’m so sorry, I shouldn't have forced you.” the often expressionless middle blocker has tears flowing down his face. Tobio stands shocked as he is attacked by another person- Nishinoya- who joins the hug crying and blabbering apologizes which no one understood with how he was bawling his eyes out. And as if that wasn’t enough already, Hinata adds on to the pile with a bone-crushing hug and a “bakayama!!!!! how is it your fault and why do you have to be this sincere!!!” with Tanaka who screams, “TELL ME WHOSE ASS I HAVE TO KICK FOR BREAKING MY KOUHAI’S HEART!!!!” which earns a tearful scoff from Kageyama and a light chuckle from the rest.

The other join in too, some join the hug while others give up loving assurances. Both Asahi and Yachi have started crying and Daichi and Kiyoko look at all of them with pride and love. Kageyama looks at Suga between all this and seeing him giving a thumbs up. The coach and the advisor watch from afar as Ukai just simply smiles and passes tissue to Takeda while Takeda sobs as they watched Kageyama drown in hugs. The practice starts off late but with the team stronger than ever. 

The mark isn’t burning anymore between this warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed it  
> Please leave a comment if you wish and a kudos would make this lady very :D


	9. chapter 7-

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pause before the upcoming storm. Oikawa is just getting himself fucked (both literally and metaphorically).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to shorten his chapter cause the sex scene ended up being too explicit 😂😂 but yeah. The next chapter, I'm working on it, It's kinda long and a lot happens so might take some time.😃  
> I'm currently not feeling the best, so I can't use my laptop for a long period. I was planning to release a fanart series but that will have to wait for a while. Can't believe it's already August... I just blinked and July ended. I don't know if I'm sad that there was no summer, and that I didn't get to have fun, but I would probably stay home and rot even if we had a proper summer 😃. 
> 
> I hope you all are well. and I hope you like this chapter:)

_**At Karasuno (Thursday afternoon) ** _

After a brief practice match with the nearby school’s team, the volleyball team of Karasuno returns home to rest. The team now knows about Kageyama’s soulmark’s conditions (at least that he has a rejected mark) and upon being talked to by Suga, make no more fuzz about it. Nishinoya and Tsukishima apologize to Kageyama personally during school hours, but Kageyama tells them that they were not at fault. The team disperses after they get their share of meat buns.

The snow has long melted away and it is no longer freezing cold. As Kageyama and Hinata make their way back home, the crisp air breezes past them, whacking them with a refreshing smell of spring. The sky still partially clouded with angry clouds, illuminates the path they walk. Hinata is chirping about Kenma’s cute habits while Kageyama, as usual, listens silently.

“So, he said he had his hair dyed blonde, but he was more noticeable because of it… So then he planned to grow it out, hehe he looks like pudding right now. My cutie pudding!!!”

Kageyama thought that he was born with half black and yellow hair, but hey who needs to know that. He gobbled the last remaining section of his bun and threw the wrapper into the nearby dustbin.

He thinks about the conversation he had with Sugawara last night on the verge of falling asleep.

_“You can trust us you know? The team. You don’t have to bottle everything inside of you. I think it will really lower your burdens if you share your thoughts. You can reach out to us, me or Daichi, or even the coach, we’ll all listen to what you have to say. At least, talk to Hinata. He’s your best friend. He may seem childish but you know he understands you better than anyone else and will be there for you.”_

He really doesn’t know how to open up to people, but he can at least give it a try. After all, Hinata is one of his closest friends, he is the first person he talked to about his family, and his support has been a God-given blessing. Even if he couldn’t do much, Hinata had always supported Kageyama in ways he wasn’t before. It could be either by bad-mouthing his father (which he secretly enjoyed), or debunking his father’s scoldings, Hinata came to his life with his cheering smiles and hardly funny jokes to shoo away his loneliness. (he almost wished he was fated to this angel)

There were things that he didn’t tell Sugawara, like how even though the frequent pain is agonizing, the idea of falling in love with Oikawa drowns it somehow. He didn’t tell him how although he wants to get rid of this bond, he still dreams about being together with him every night, how it hurts when Oikawa looks at him with fiery eyes, and how a kaleidoscope of butterflies flutter when he looks at Oikawa's beautiful chocolate pairs. He hasn’t told him that he still loves him despite the pain in his chest, how the only reason he wants to sever his bond is that he doesn’t want to die yet. He doesn’t want to end up like her.

So, explaining Hinata about his situation shouldn’t be so tough, but he doesn’t know what will he say or how.

Good thing that it is Hinata who approaches him. He slows his pace when he notices the grim look on the setter’s face. He had finished his meat buns years ago, but he still holds on to the greasy paper on his hands.

“Ne, Kageyama-kun” he says with a calm voice, Hinata is never calm, Hinata is a wild force, constantly in motion, he is only calm and collected when he is either upset, angry or deadly serious.

Kageyama stares ahead at the road, still lost pondering. He hums as an acknowledgment.

“You haven’t rejected him yet right?”

Kageyama stops walking. His face remains changed but Hinata knows he hit a nerve. One would expect Kageyama to lash out or yell at Hinata but Kageyama simply looks at Hinata with a sad smile. “It’s really difficult to hide things from you, boke”

Even Hinata is taken aback by the sudden smile.

“Do you want you to come over tonight?” Kageyama asks, continuing his way back home. Hinata beams at him with an enthusiasm uncomparable to anyone, “Yeah!!!!”

“Is your grandma home yet?” Hinata pops the paper in the garage dump place as they pass by it. The sky is turning darker and the street lamps are on.

“Not yet, but Aunt Karin messaged me that she will drop her by this Saturday.” Kageyama pulls out a tissue from his bag and hands one to Hinata and uses one to clean his own hand.

Hinata wipes the grease off his hand as he expresses with great disappointment, “that sucks, I really wanted to meet ba-chan..”

“Me too.” Kageyama agreed. After a few minutes, he adds “Text your mom before you forget dumbass.”

On the way to Kageyama’s apartment, Hinata keeps talking about volleyball and the walk feels shorter than usual.

……….

Once they reach the stellar apartment, Shoyou busies himself with petting Mikan while Kageyama heads to the kitchen to prepare for dinner. Shoyou has been to Tobio’s place so many times, that he has his own pair of pajamas in Kageyama’s closet and a separate toothbrush. The reason why he has to crash over at Kageyama’s is that he lives on top of the mountain and at times when practice gets too rough, he is too tired to cycle the whole way through. And Kageyama doesn’t mind the frequent stays. Hinata’s mother always calls Kageyama’s grandma to thank her for letting her son stay at their place.

After Kageyama places two plates of curry and rice on the glass tea table in front of the couch, they dive in. Hinata, who has Mikan on his lap, starts his interrogation with his mouth stuffed with rice, “So, are you gonna tell me who it is?”

Kageyama swallows his curry and replies, “After we finish eating and get comfortable.”

The middle blocker scoffs playfully, “Get comfortable!? Let’s get comfy on our blanket fort and gossip about boys while painting our nails shall we?”

The human tangerine easily dodges the cushion Kageyama throws at him, in the process also jolts Mikan up.

The cat hisses angrily at its owner, and Hinata laughs at Kageyama’s offended face.

“Kageyama-kun~ seems like Mikan-chan likes me more than she likes you” He sings in a mocking tone. The said cat jumps out of his lap and disappears into one of the rooms.

Kageyama just scowls and eats his dinner. Soon, they are done eating and start cleaning up, Hinata is doing the dishes (even after Kageyama tried to stop him million times, he would just say, “stay back Kageyama-kun, If you cook, I wash the dishes.” “I’m not supposed to let guests do this kind of-” “I am no guest, this is like a second home for me.” Hinata cleverly interrupts and ends the argument.), while Kageyama refills Mikan’s bowl and tidies up the kitchen.

The head to Kageyama’s room and change into their sleeping wear. Hinata jumps on his bed- legs folded and clutching a pillow on his lap, and reminds him “Okay, so we are comfy enough now,”

Kageyama listlessly sighs an “Okay…” and sits beside him. He leans against the wall with his legs stretched straight. Just then, Mikan decides to grace them with her presence has she effortlessly hops on top of the pillow Shoyou held.

“So, who is he?” Hinata chirps.

“How do you know it’s a he?” Kageyama doesn’t remember mentioning that to him.

“Oh for the love of God, You’re gay, you wouldn’t be so hung-up if it were a she.” Even while he bickered, he stoked Mikan gently. 

“Okay but I’m bisexual not exactly gay.” Hinata gives him a “are you serious look”

“Oh well.” Kageyama dismisses. He starts again, “It’s Oikawa-san.”

Shoyou gasps, “HIM?” “King of court and Grand king, a match made in heaven. The Royalty couple” He cackled.

Kageyama, with a very done look on his face, “haHa very funny”

Shoyou stops his laugh and asks his bestfriend seriously, “How did it end this way? You still like him don’t you?”

At Hinata’s questions, Kageyama’s mood sours, “The first time I saw him, I didn’t know he was the one. He was just a cool senpai that I had a stupid crush on. He rejected me the first time we realized we were soulmates… He…He told me he felt nothing.”

Hinata stares at him sadly. Kageyama caresses the back of his neck, his mark.

“He said it with so much confidence that for a while I thought maybe I was mistaken.” Tobio joked. Hinata felt his blood boil.

“But my mark began to lose its color and I started feeling an emotion I had never felt before.” He takes a deep breath, stares off at the ceiling, reliving the moment again and again, “And then the pain began. It wasn’t that bad at first. Nowadays it has been….. difficult. Hinata, I just don’t want to end up the way mom did.” Tobio faces his friend with anguish in his eyes.

Hinata shifts the pillow with Mikan on top, to the side, and crawls closer to Kageyama. He hugs him tightly. Kageyama buries his face on the orange hair. When he pulled away, Hinata has the stern look. Hinata pokes his neck, and Kageyama pulls off the plaster that covered his mark. Hinata carefully looks at the mark, the blackened color makes him feel so extremely sorry for his friend. Hinata removes his hand from his neck and holds the younger’s face.

“Do you love him?” Kageyama looks at him confused for a while.

“I did. Maybe not love but I wished he was mine. I looked up to him. I was really happy that someone as amazing as him is my mate.” Hinata looks for lies in those ocean eyes, finds nothing but despair. 

“No, Kageyama, I meant do you still love him?” he places his hand on his shoulder with a strong grasp.

Kageyama doesn’t answer that question, “Shoyo, it just hurts, and I want it to stop…” Kageyama tries to remove his hand.

“So you really want to get rid of the mark?” Hinata pauses, “You will forget everything about him Tobio. You may never end up feeling anything toward him.”

Tobio’s chin wobbles as he looks defeated, “I-I don’t know what to do anymore...” he whispers and hides his face in his palms.

Hinata suggests, “Talk to him again, maybe he doesn’t know about all this, Maybe HE was mistaken”

“Sugawara-san said the same thing” Tobio mutters softly.

“See!!! You just need to have a serious discussion with him about this. It doesn’t matter if you want to cut it off or keep it the way it is. But you have to talk with him. If he doesn’t want to give your relationship a chance then maybe tell ask him to remove his mark.”

Hinata holds on to the hand grabbing on his marked neck. “But whatever you do, you can’t just sit idly bearing the pain.” The older gives him a sorry smile, “I’d wish you could be together with him like I am with Kenma. You guys would make a great couple, but if he doesn’t want to try then there is no reason for you to hold on to this pain. Okay?”

Kageyama stiffs, and nods.

“Great!” Hinata exclaims.

“Let’s talk to him then.” Kageyama counters, “How? I don’t have his number.”

“Hmm.” Hinata hums thinking. “Oh,” His eyes twinkling like a fairy’s, “Turnip-kun!”

“huh?”

“You could ask Turnip-kun about that. I got his number when I went to the training camp.” Hinata immediately whips out his phone from his backpack and scrolls through his contact list. Kageyama just looks at him uncomfortably.

“here.” He hands Kageyama the phone, “I don’t know about this Hinata, You talk to him. We’re still not in good terms sinc-”

“Hello, Hinata?” Kageyama lets out a panicked gasp, as he answers, “H-Hello, Kindaichi?”

“Ah, Kageyama? Isn’t this shrimpy’s number?” Kindaichi asks confused.

“Yes. It is his phone.” Kageyama awkwardly looks at Hinata.

“So, why are you on the call?”

“Ahm… I..ah…Can you give me Oikawa-san’s number?” Kageyama, clearly not prepared for this hostility, struggled to put words together.

  
“For what?” he asks.

“I need to talk to him, it’s something really important.” Tobio tries but doesn’t stop what’s coming for him.

“What is more important than volleyball to you, huh?” My life he wanted to say but he resists.

“Please, it’s about something personal, not volleyball-related.”

“wait, is it about the soulmate thing that you started cause if you dare do that again.” Kindaichi sneers angrily.

Kageyama tries to reason, “Kindaichi please I really need to talk to him.”

“SO WHAT, I GIVE YOU HIS NUMBER SO THAT YOU CAN FORCE YOURSELF TO HIM AGAIN.” He accuses loudly.

“What are you talking about? When did I-”

Then Kindaichi starts his rant, “oh shut up, the whole school knew about how you pretended that you were his mate. Do you have no shame? I thought you became better than that when you when to Karasuno!! Like the way you changed from a king to a decent setter and----- forget it…. If you try to hurt Oikawa-san again I will-”

Upon seeing Kageyama go very distressed and hearing shouting noises from the phone Hinata gently pulls the phone out of his friend’s hand. Kageyama lowers his face, hair shadows his eyes as his shoulders silently tremble.

“Hello Kindaichi, it’s me Hinata.” He introduces himself. then, the two middle blockers have their back and forth.

“Oh Chibi, Listen you better keep Kageyama away from Oikawa-san. He has bothered him-”

“Kindaichi, he’s just asking for his number.”

“You don’t understand, He’ll force Oikawa-san-”

Hinata sharply interrupts him, “Stop. Stop. Who told you that Kageyama was lying about being Oikawa-san’s mate”

“Who told me? THE WHOLE SCHOOL knew he was either markless or rejected but pretended to be Oikawa-san’s soulmate. He would run after Oikawa-senpai all. the. time. He was crazy after him.”

Hinata cannot believe this, He scolds him, “How are you so sure that the Grand King and Kageyama are not soulmates?”

“What-”

“Did you ever ask Kageyama about it? Or even Oikawa-san? Did ever confirm with either of them about their marks?”

“I… I never asked Kageyama because I knew he would lie about it and Oika-” Kindaichi hesitates.

“Lie? We both know if Kageyama was good at lying, the thing that happened in your last year wouldn’t have happened at all. Kageyama is many things, but he isn’t a liar. He can be mean at times, and he is mean because he can't lie. YOU know that.”

“…..” the other side has no reply to that.

Finally, Hinata focuses on what he was supposed to do, “Just give me the number Kindaichi, If you think Kageyama is capable of harassing a senior who is quite smart and fully capable of defending himself, then I’ll just ask Kunimi for it.”

“….. Fine, don't bring Kunimi in this mess, he's already had enough. I will give you the number but if he hurts or bothers him in any way, I will not take it lightly. Oikawa-san's going through a really difficult time right now. You better stay with him when he calls him.” Kindaichi warns him.

“I’ll send you a text.” Then, he ends the call.

Hinata lets out a long tired sigh. Then, he turns to check on Kageyama, he looks pale and his eyes are red. But he is no longer crying. Hinata feels responsible for that look on his face.

He tries to apologizes to Tobio, “I’m sorry about that Kageyama-kun, I didn’t think-”

Kageyama denies him softy, “No it’s okay.” But Hinata shushes him and continues, “No, it’s not… no one should be treated that way. Remember what I always tell you- You need to start valuing yourself more.”

Hinata’s phone buzzes just then.

**From: Turnip-kun **

**To: me **

**XXX-XXX-XXX0. Keep an eye on Tobio, don’t let him do anything stupid. **

“tsk.”

** From: me  **

**To: Turnip-kun **

**You are stupid. Thanks :) **

“Kageyama-kun. Here you go. Take your time this time.” Hinata dials the number for him.

Kageyama takes a minute or two to prepare himself and presses the call button. It rings 3 times before he picks up.

“Hello, this is Oikawa Tooru, who will this be?” Tobio’s breathe hinges.

He lets out a small cough, “Oikawa-san… It’s me”

“Tobio?.....Nope.” then the call cuts right away. Tobio’s chest tightens a bit with unknown pain.

“He cut the phone,” Tobio tells Hinata.

“Call again” urges Hinata. And so he does, but this time the call doesn’t even ring.

Kageyama listens to the operator, “Yep, andddd he blocked the number”

Hinata looks like he wants to jump off the roof, don’t worry Hinata you’re not the only one.

Hinata curse, “That piece of shit”

“Wait, give your phone” Hinata dials the number and calls him again.

“Hello.” Oikawa’s singing voice answers and Hinata wants to punch a hole through a wall. But he collects his anger and locks it into a box. Today, a calm Hinata is required for the wellbeing of his best friend and precious setter.

“HII!!! Oikawa-san it’s me. Hinata from Karasuno.” He tries his best to sound appealing.

“Chibi-chan… If this is about Tobio, I don’t want to talk-” Oikawa’s tone drops as he grows annoyed.

“Oikawa-san, please… Just once!!!! I beg you.” He pleads.

“sigh* I really don’t want to even think about him” Hinata can see Kageyama clench his fist holding his chest.

“PLEASE. Please. Please. Please. Please. Pretty Pleaseeee.”

“ahhhh… you have one minute.”

Hinata quickly hands the phone to Tobio, and Tobio, still in pain, takes it with shaky hands.

“Can we meet tomorrow? After your done with school and all-”

“Nope I can’t and I don’t want to see your face. So, byeeee-” Oikawa tries bailing out.

“WAIT, Please. Just once. I swear to god I’ll never bother you again. I wouldn’t be calling you if it weren’t important.” He begs Oikawa.

“Argh. Haven’t you made my life so miserable enough already?” Ouch, now that hurts. Then, he states monotonously, “Saturday, at Darestore Café, 3 pm for 20 minutes at max.”

“Thank you,” Tobio says letting out a shaky breath.

“And you’re paying for my drinks remember.”

“Okay, I understand.”

“Bring Chibi-chan too, so that we won’t end up killing each other.”

“Umm. Sure. See you this-”

“click* bleep*”

Kageyama turns to Hinata, “He said, he’ll meet me on Saturday, and that I bring you with me.”

Hinata pats Kageyama’s back, “I’ll be there, and we’ll get through this.”

Hinata’s reassurance is comforting but Tobio is so tired, of the pain, of his hate, of everything.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

** Oikawa’s POV (Thursday afternoon) **

We never got to make it to the nationals. But we did our best. It was only a close match, but we fought with all we had, until the moment the ball dropped for the last time in our court. We didn’t let the ball fall, even if it cost our knees.

We didn’t lose because we weren’t good, both the teams were good that’s why both of us made it so far.

It was a closely lost victory, but that makes it equally more frustrating.

And I know that one day my hard work and dedication will surely pay me back, but I can’t help but be bitter for right now. I wanted to win. I wanted to go to Tokyo with my team.

I know that I shouldn’t blame anyone for this loss, but I can’t help but wonder why… why did “he” win?

It feels like all of my life is falling apart because of him. I know that I shouldn’t blame him for everything, but he is at the center of all my problems. And putting the blame on him has somewhat become a coping mechanism for me.

My damaged knee, last chance of going to nationals, my dwindling relation with Iwa-chan, everything could be traced to him. And these days, when times are rough, I turn to him. Curse him for my misfortunes, my bad luck, his genius, and then my heart feels lighter. Evil right? But I can’t help it, I can’t think clearly at this point, not anymore.

I’m currently waiting for my doctor for the past 20 minutes for my knee checkup. Yes, it got worse after the match, but the doctor said that I have to be really careful about this month. He said if I took good care of it this month, I can even go pro. I let my head rest against the arm of the sofa I’m sitting in. I’m exhausted, I can’t think of anything else other than the pain. 

To be honest, today is an extra bad day, first thing in the morning I have a fight with Iwa-chan: this time about college (he thinks I'm wasting an opportunity by not accepting the offers from Tokyo or Argentina, I flatly told him that I am coming with him to America whether he likes it or not), last time it was about my love life, and before that it was about my soulmate. And then Tobio-chan called me and said he wanted to meet, I felt so angry at him at that moment, like does he not understand I realllllly don't like him, what is his problem?- and like I thought what could be worse than that. BAAM, I slip while taking a piss, and now have to go for a checkup cause my leg feels like jello, and I can't even bring Iwa-chan with me cause he's at a funeral of his far related uncle. Now, I'm here at a clinic, waiting for a doctor with my swollen aching knee. 

The silence in this clinic is deafening, I can only hear the rhythmic ticking of the clock, the muted music on the receptionists’ earbuds, and her occasional typing. I’m almost about to doze off when the entrance door opens, and I turn to see if it was the Doctor.

To my surprise, I see an old lady being guided by a very familiar tall, and youthful figure. Behold- The captain of Shiratorizawa, the only person I consider worse than Tobio-chan. How can this day go even worse? And I pray to god, ‘it's fine if you give me a terrible fate but please also give a strength to not commit homicide.’

Ushiwaka talks to the receptionist and comes to sit with the old grandma on the couch in front of me. I have an urge to throw myself out of the window.

He still hasn’t seen me so I slowly grab the newspaper on the table and cover myself with it. I hear soft murmurs from him. It was all going fine until the receptionist called me out, “Mr. Oikawa, the doctor will be here shortly, you can put this on and wait inside.” Oh, bummer.

I can feel him stare into my soul. I meekly take the hospital gown from her arm and shoot right past the hall to the room. Please spare this meeting my god. 

God is truly not that bad as I thought, that night I end up with Ushijima on my bed and I have no words to express how I feel. Thankfully, my knee was fine, and turns out Ushijima is not that bad of a person. He is sure very full of himself and thinks that he is a superior uncomparable volleyball master, but he is hot, thunder thighs and veiny arms with ufff... those gorgeous eyebrows that sit above eyes more tempting than an oasis. How come I never noticed how attractive he was. And oh he is so dense that it's cute. He also happens to be a really sweet person: Apparently, he had been passing by the near mall when he saw this grandma lost and offered to take her to her destination (which happened to be the clinic I was in.) I had been limping my way back to my car (going fast to ignore him) when he came up to me and helped me. He circled his arms around my waist and legs and carried me back to my car. I really don't know how but we ended up at my car making out. No one was home so we slipped past the entrance to my room and yeah the sex was packed. It was just WOW cause boy, I realized I never actually knew my own body well. 

It was quite awkward the next day at breakfast to explain to my mom and sister, who this giant is and what he was doing in my room, but thank god my mom found Ushijima adorable for some reason and my sister just gave me a wink and a thumbs up with an "I approve". Ushijima just gave me a small smile and ate silently, listening to my mom's daily gossips. Then when we returned to my room, he saved his number on my phone and kissed me goodbye.

Hours later, I'm at school when I text him.

** From: me  **

** To: Ushijima **

** Hey, yesterday was great, do you want to meet today after practice? **

The whole day I had been in a haze. I don't remember much of what happened, except Iwa-chan apologizing to me and getting concerned about my knee, and how a few minutes after I send my text, my phone buzzed.

** From: Ushijima  **

** To: me **

** Sure, my place or yours? **

Holy shit.

** From: me  **

** To: Ushijima **

** Yours. Send me your address ** ** 😉 **

** From: Ushijima  **

** To: me **

**Unit no. XXX Futsukamachi, Sendai-shi Aoba-ku, Miyagi. It's near Kitayobanchou Station **

**I'll be back home before 5. **

I'm so screwed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't proofread. I think it's pretty evident. I have had more than 6 cups of coffee and I'm hysteric, sooohrry.
> 
> Oikawa is gonna do some shit in the next chapters and so are other people. Poor Tobio. Poor Oikawa too cause he goes through shit himself.
> 
> Take care. I love you, and stay safe!!!!


End file.
